If you’ve been around awhile you know that my posts are typically very short, bite sized nuggets of goodness that are easily digestible and send you on your way.
If you have a little voice inside your head that has EVER told you that you weren’t good enough, shouldn’t do something, or made you feel less than… I encourage you to stick around on this one.
I’m also very curious which of the critics you see in your life most (we on average have 3 of the 5 I’ve identified) and if you have time, please comment below or contact me.
ASSASSINATE THE INNER CRITIC
“I’ve lived through many terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened” – Mark Twain
Psychologist Ethan Kross recently said that “chatter is one of the biggest problems we face as a human species.”
In my coaching practice and in hundreds of personal and professional conversations that drove the creation of this book… chatter…your inner critic, your inner monologue, and your personal saboteur is at the root of nearly all other challenges we work to overcome.
Most experts say that we spend around 1/2 of our waking hours living in the present. The rest of the time where are we? In our heads… talking to ourselves. This inner voice is one of our greatest advantages as a species.
But it has a sinister side.
YOUR DARK PASSENGER
When we “go inside” and turn our attention inwards trying to solve some problem… we don’t find solutions… we find ourselves in a typically negative spiral of self-talk.
You’re not good enough!
Who would listen to your story?
They will never buy from you.
Others are already doing the same thing.
You’re no expert… better just to remain quiet.
That was a dumb thing to say.
You probably don’t deserve it.
It probably wouldn’t work anyway.
On and on and on….
So who are these bastards???
THE 5 CRITICS
The endless voice that criticizes everything you do, beats you down, feeds your insecurities and more.
You’re too sensitive… that’s why you don’t have a relationship.
Next time don’t take the chance… see what happens?
The Endless Victim
This one is a doozy…
This voice is intensely pessimistic. Reminds you that this “always” happens to you.
It’s not fair.
You’re always taken advantage of.
Your life is difficult and sucks because you didn’t grow up privileged.
People with a powerful victim mentality are typically envious. They feel entitled and selfish. They are usually the ones complaining about others that are more successful or wealthier than they are.
The Protective Parent
This one is hyper-vigilant and is constantly on the lookout for anything that may hurt us.
Not leaving the cave because there are lions or bears or cold was a very useful skill for… I don’t know… a million years so so now.
In modern times this was often developed in childhood… when relying on our parents for safety and care… we felt unloved or constantly criticized or scolded.. it was too much to bare… and this voice protected us from that abuse.
This voice doesn’t want you to fail… so you remain safe. If you don’t try you can’t fail. Protector wins.
It replays every single thing that could possibly… but not probably… go wrong until you take no action at all.
It makes sure you have zero confidence and tells you all of your capabilities aren’t enough to succeed… ever.
This voice feeds on your need for productivity. Telling you that… even on the verge of breakdown… you push to your limits. It beats into your mind that the minute you slow down you will be a failure.
If you don’t work longer and harder than everyone else… you’ll be the first to lose your job.
It puts a turbo charger on your imposter syndrome. It never stops reminding you that you’re an imposter and don’t deserve the success you’ve achieved.
The Whipping Boy
This voice tells you constantly that you’re never enough. You’re not important. And that everyone else’s needs are more important than yours.
You become deathly afraid of being rejected socially if you set boundaries.
Approval from others and what other people think of you are always top of mind.
You want everyone to be happy with you at all times.
You’ll often hear me say “be independent of the good opinion of others.”. The good opinion. This speaks to this voice in our heads.
The problem is this inner monologue (sorry I always think of the movie Austin Powers when I say that) is REALLY REALLY important to our survival.
Not venturing into the unknown is literally what kept us alive as a species. There are bears out there!!!
Your brain is an incredible problem-solving device… and your inner voice or verbal working memory system in psych talk… is a basic function of being a human.
Say you’re preparing for an interview or a big sales pitch… it’s this system that helps you replay again and again and again how it’s going to go and what you’re going to say.
The flip side of that however… it’s this voice that aims to sink your ship.
It makes you irritable, it consumes nearly every waking hour of your life, it creates stress real or otherwise that then triggers chronic conditions in your body.
“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened” – Mark Twain
Controlling your negative self-talk has the possibility not just to improve your life… but could improve your health or even save your life. It’s that powerful.
So what do we do?
Tomorrow we tackle 5 strategies that have worked for me personally as well as the recurring themes that have come up both in my coaching practice and twenty years of study and conversations with some of the most successful people in the world…. I hope to you’ll join me.
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See you on the journey…
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